But I trust as you experience this with me, you’ll come out with a better understanding of how you can find greater levels of happiness and fulfillment in your life than you ever have before.
It was 11:30 at night, and I had just come home. My mother sat across the kitchen table from me, crying. She was eating. And as she kept eating and eating, she shared with me her discouragement. How she just couldn’t do it any more. How the weight had finally won.
As a young man I thought “just stop eating!” I realize now that at the time, I didn’t have the level of compassion or maturity to comprehend the struggle she had experienced her whole adult life. This struggle was at the root of her pain.
I wish I could tell you this story had a happy ending. I wish I could tell you she somehow found the strength and the answer she needed to take care of herself.
I wish I could tell you there was a magical, fairy-tale ending to this. I wish there was a pill or a revolutionary treatment that could help people like my mother who struggle more with what goes on on the inside than what appears on the outside.
When I received word she was gone, I went into shock. How could she be gone? What do you mean she’s no longer breathing? This was NOT how I had envisioned my life turning out. I felt numb inside. I didn’t cry, I didn’t react, I didn’t grieve.
For me, one of the hardest parts of all this was what happened in the waning 6 months before she died. From my perspective, it seemed as if she just gave up on everything in much the same way as she had 5 years earlier. I became increasingly angry as it appeared she didn’t have any fight left insider her. How could she do this to us? Doesn’t she love us?
On various levels, my siblings and I knew my mother wasn’t as happy as she wished she could have been. Her struggle with weight was a constant battle. She kept fighting to lose the same 75 to 100 pounds year in and year out. When she had achieved some wieght loss, the pressure she felt to lose weight initially had decreased and she’d reward herself with “just a bite” of something decadent…